When you first find an interest in the scene you might be wondering where to meet like-minded people and where to go for more information. I’m sure, like me, many people will tell you, or have told you, go to a munch. Well, this is excellent advice, but what is a munch and what can you expect to get out of it.

Let’s start with what a munch is.

A munch is a meeting of kinky people in a non-kinky/vanilla environment. Normally it is a group of kinksters meeting up at a pub or restaurant for a few drinks, a meal and some good conversation. At these events you can talk to other like-minded people about what you’ve been up to, what you want to learn about and make some friends within the scene. You also don’t have to worry about being outed by attending these events, to an outsider the group would look like a group of friends, or a social meeting. Without the gear and tools there is nothing kinky or fetish identifying about the group.

we all just look like a group of friends or social group meeting up, there is nothing inherently kinky looking about us.

Some munches have evolved past a meal and chats; some play board games or enjoy a group beach trip.

Meeting people within the community is broader than just attending BDSM and kink events.

Some events are focused on one section of the scene, for example, the masochist munch is just for masochists, the little munch just for littles and the Dom munch is just for Doms. Some events are based more on locations, there is a northern munch or southern munch etc. This helps you meet kinksters based on location not just interests and titles too.

What should I expect?

At a munch you are expected to be in vanilla clothing. No fetish wear or anything that flags the group as kinksters. Because these are held in public areas it is impossible to control who can view the group, many people do not want to draw attention to themselves within the community. These are foremost social events and that should be considered when you are preparing to attend.

There are no toys/tools allowed at munches.

This is a vanilla location with vanilla people around, so we don’t want toys to come out and be shown or used. If you do want to show somebody a toy please do so in the carpark or meet them at another time. There is also no play allowed, again this is a vanilla location with vanilla people around, so keep your hands to yourself and wait until you’re home to play. Venues aren't likely to welcome the group back if people behave inappropriately.

Why are munches an important part of the scene?

Well, it just takes all the pressure off. You don’t have to worry about fetwear or playing, it’s a normal social event, just talking to people like you would normally. It’s an important space to be able to relax, talk and meet kink inclined people. It’s a great place to meet people and build a relationship built on more than just play and implements.

If you have any questions going into a munch just look at who’s hosting it and shoot them a message, they will be more than happy to answer any questions you might have and will fill in any blanks. They will also be your first port of call when you arrive at the event, they will be able to introduce you around a bit and start some conversations and, at least you will know one person's name.

Munches are a no pressure, no obligation event.

If you feel curious about the community they are a great way of "testing the waters". Maybe you don't feel a connection with the people at a munch you attended, if you are still interested in the scene, try another munch, the people there may resonate more with you. The best path forward is for you to explore different events and find what feels good for you.