Just like in the vanilla world we all have our own interests and things we enjoy. Somebody might prefer books to movies, while you are the opposite or they might love pickles, while you hate them. Just like then, in the BDSM scene people have their own interests, fetishes or kinks and it is not for us to judge them or make them feel bad for what they like.

Unless it is illegal or endangering somebody, it’s best to just turn your head and walk away. 

This can come up at munches or play events. You might hear or see something that you don’t like. Well, that’s life. Unless it is illegal or endangering somebody, it’s best to just turn your head and walk away. This is especially important when you are new to the scene, you might see or hear lots of things you are unsure about, you might end up liking them in a few months or years time. Keep your words to yourself while it is happening and if you want to discuss it further, do so with a trusted friend later and out of earshot of the person involved.

Over years of attending BDSM events I have come across many kinks that did not interest me, I have also heard the careless, judgemental comments from others about these activities. It is heartbreaking to see the hurt and disappointment of a person who has had their desires harshly rejected, or ridiculed. Saying "eww", "gross", or making gagging noises is inappropriate, and sometimes hurtful. When you encounter kinks that don't interest you, be honest and move on to something else. That person has a right to enjoy their own kinks safely and respectfully, they will find an interested partner who can respect their wants and needs.

Their kink isn't your kink, and that's fine.

When talking to a potential play partner, it is important to be open and honest about your likes and dislikes. Finding compatible, matching interests is important, and the only way to do this is clear communication. Again, there are respectful ways of communicating around differing desires, you can say what you need to without shaming the other person. Their kink isn't your kink, and that's fine.

It is important in the kink and BDSM space that we all feel allowed to be who we are, and enjoy what we enjoy. Whether you are witnessing new kinks at an event, or discovering new fetishes through conversation, speaking with kindness is supporting the community. Just like you wouldn’t want somebody kink shaming you, don’t kink shame others. Above all else, respect and kindness will always go a long way.