Why Are Substances and BDSM A Problem?
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A Real-Life Warning: Substances and Consent Don’t Mix
Once upon a time, there was a young woman, who was new to the scene, had only experienced 2 or 3 public events previously, met a few people and dipped her toe in. She was nervous at these events and thought that having a few drinks would help her to feel calmer and more capable of joining in the scene. After a few drinks, feeling more confident, she decided to partake in an impact play session with somebody she had met. They played, and she went home. What is wrong with this picture?
The Limits of Consent Under the Influence
She’s a consenting adult, right? No, she is intoxicated and cannot consent to these activities, just as she can’t consent to sexual activities. The best rule of thumb is, “If you’re not sober enough to legally drive, you’re not sober enough to play.”
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What About the Top?
Another important question, has the Top in this situation been drinking too? If so, then they are unable to consent either, their mental state has been altered, and their aim might be off. In this scenario, both parties are intoxicated and cannot give informed consent to what they are participating in. Does the top know the bottom has been drinking?
The rules and expectations work both ways. If you don’t disclose that you have been drinking, then your play partner does not know what they are getting themselves into. They don’t know that you aren’t feeling things like normal, and they don’t know that your decision and consent-making have been compromised.
The main goal of BDSM play is to have fun and enjoy safe and thought-out play.
Trust, Consent, and Sobriety Go Hand in Hand
By not disclosing that you have been drinking, you are breaking the other person's trust and consent. Does the bottom know the top has been drinking? If the top doesn’t disclose that they have been drinking, then the bottom can’t know what they are getting themselves into, and the bottom won’t know that their partner's consent and decision-making has been compromised.
Your partner has a right to consider that your aim might be off, and they might inadvertently injure the bottom. By not disclosing that you have been drinking, you are breaking the other person's trust and consent. Substances and BDSM together are a recipe for trouble, not being open about your choices is even more dangerous.
When we interrupt these natural processes with drugs and/or alcohol things can become a bit dicey...
Alcohol Alters Sensation and Safety
A few drinks can't change your physical perception, right? Well maybe, from experience in my first year (when I didn’t know any better) I did an impact session, in private, after a few drinks. I could tell that how my body was feeling things compared to how I had felt them in sober plays, was different. The sensations felt muted like I wasn’t feeling 50% of the impact.
It was then I realised that I wouldn’t be able to tell if the top hit me too hard and passed my body's tolerance. Lesson learned, after this, I met more experienced players and learned that it is common practice to be sober to play. In the older scene, drugs and alcohol were rampant but after years of consent issues and injuries, the general population of the scene have taken a harder stance on plays and players involving them.
A few drinks can't change your biochemical reaction, right?
Intoxicants Interfere with the Body’s Biochemical Response
When you play normally/sober all sorts of things happen inside our bodies and minds. Our bodies release all sorts of “feel good hormones” oxytocin, dopamine, endorphins, cortisol etc. This is the normal reaction to impact play. When we interrupt these natural processes with drugs and/or alcohol things can become a bit dicey during play and the next day- week. Mixing different kinds of alcohol over a night or using other intoxicants and alcohol at the same time are considered dangerous. Undertaking a session of using or abusing substances and BDSM puts you and your play partner at greater risk than necessary.
The Top Can’t Mitigate Risk While Intoxicated
Playing while indulging in drugs and/or alcohol as a bottom you can either feel everything more intensely or at a reduced rate, none of this can be predicted and nothing can be done to mitigate the aftereffects. Playing while indulging in drugs and/or alcohol as a top you can’t mitigate the risk to the bottom, you can’t tell if you are aiming correctly, if you’re swinging too hard or if you are doing damage. While it can feel good whilst you are in the moment, due to having the increased high from the effects of drugs and alcohol, however, the higher you rise, the further you have to fall.
The Dangerous Double Comedown
What goes up must come down, this is a normal part of post-impact play. When you add intoxicants into the equation you are simultaneously coming down from impact play, and coming down from drugs and/or alcohol too. Mixing substances and BDSM will result in a difficult recovery process, both physically and emotionally.
This comedown can happen the next day or a few days later, even up to a week. This being said there are still those who say playing while intoxicated is fine with long-standing partners or who advocate that “but it makes everything feel better!”
I, and most people, view these players as dangerous, it is something to always remember that a lot of what we do in the BDSM scene can hurt, harm, maim, injure, or possibly kill. Adding intoxicants makes the risks even higher, for me this is an unacceptable level of risk that I can’t mitigate. I never want to be responsible for seriously injuring somebody, it is not something I want on my conscience.
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Why Safe and Sober Is the Standard
Indulging in substances and BDSM simultaneously can lead to impaired judgement, ignored boundaries, and lifelong physical consequences. The main goal of BDSM play is to have fun and enjoy safe and thought-out play. Let’s all do this in safe, sober environments where we can all enjoy and continue long-term.
TL;DR
Can you consent to BDSM play if you're drunk or high?
No. Just like with sexual activity, informed and enthusiastic consent cannot be given while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
Why is it dangerous to mix substances and BDSM?
Because both tops and bottoms experience altered perception, judgment, and physical response, making injuries, missed cues, and emotional harm far more likely.
Is it okay to play while intoxicated with a regular partner?
Even with long-term partners, substance use increases risk and undermines clear communication and safety protocols. It’s not considered safe or responsible.
What happens to your body during impact play while intoxicated?
Alcohol or drugs can numb sensation or amplify it unpredictably, interfere with the release of endorphins, and delay or intensify the comedown.
What is the best rule of thumb for safety in BDSM play?
“If you’re not sober enough to legally drive, you’re not sober enough to play.” This helps ensure that everyone can give and receive informed consent.
