In my first piece on this topic, consent models in kink, I talked about early models which were developed not only to establish minimum standards for consent and ethical practices, but also to address stigma and misinformation in the wider community. The consent models that followed had the goal of improving on their predecessors, by clarifying language and concepts, and reinforcing the core tenets of kinky practices. In this piece, I will talk about the consent models that emerged during the 2010s and beyond, when kink became more acceptable and mainstream. I will also talk about consent models that emerged when the individual differences of those who are drawn to these practices provided pressure for the development of frameworks that are inclusive and responsive to these needs.

The 4Cs

Consent models that emerged during the 2010s combined the elements of consent and risk management that were present in earlier models with concepts of communication and caring. This is where the 4Cs framework (Caring, Communication, Consent and Caution) enters. The caring aspect of this consent model reflects the ethical stance of kink practice, which is built not only on the relationship between members of this often ostracised community, but also reinforces the need for care in practices that push the boundaries of trust and intimacy between people. The pillars of this model are as follows:

• Caring – This refers to the attention, responsiveness, responsibility, and commitment that is held regarding the safety and wellbeing of the individual and other participants in kinky practice.

• Communication – The onus is on participant to communicate clearly and openly about their needs, wants and desires, as well as their boundaries and their limits.

• Consent – This refers to the concept of consent given in the other models I have discussed, that all activities require consent, and that this consent must be explicit and ongoing.

• Caution – This pillar of the 4Cs is reminiscent of other consent models such as RACK, where the risks involved in the activity are understood by all participants and that principles of harm minimisation are used, such as knowledge, experience and education.

It's not perfect

The critiques of the 4Cs consent model involve the subjective base of the “caring” pillar of the framework, and what this looks like in practice. The ethics of care is a separate topic, but a really interesting feminist response to what is seen as a patriarchal view of morality and justice, and is key to the inclusion of care in the 4Cs consent model. Because every individual has their own definition of “good” or “bad” kink practices, the caring pillar is more about committing to an attitude of attention and responsiveness to the self and others involved in the practice, prioritising safety, and wellbeing, as opposed to providing objective and measurable practices that reflect “caring.”

The FRIES Model

As we can see through exploring these consent models, they all have things in common, alongside additions depending on what practitioners saw as the gaps at the time. Although other consent models for kink practices, such as Fully, Directly and Informed (FDI) were developed through the 2010s and beyond, they have yet to gain the widespread recognition and use as other models. In practice, people are probably adopting parts of the different models that resonate with them and their own practice, creating individual frameworks that suit them.

Consent, consent, consent

Sexual consent has received a lot of airtime recently as people wrestle with multiple issues surrounding sexuality and intimacy. Behaviours and activities that were once acceptable are now being reviewed and confronted for the harm they caused people who lacked the skills, power, and support to object to them. This is where the concept of affirmative consent began to gain ground in the mainstream, as people lacked the language and skills to negotiate around sexual intimacy. FRIES (Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific) is the acronym developed by Planned Parenthood to help people remember what is required for consent. The fundamental tenets represented by the acronym are as follows:

• Freely Given – this means consent is given without force or coercion, without guilting the person into participating in the activity, and that just because a person may have said yes to the activity before does not mean they have to say yes every time

• Reversible – this means consent can be withdrawn at any time, even if the activity has already begun.

• Informed – knowing what the boundaries and limits are of the activity you are participating in. Consent can only be given when all the information about what the activity you are participating in has been given.

• Enthusiastic – consent is not just about saying yes to an activity; the context where that yes was given is also important, and it cannot be due to giving in to requests and pressure but must be a yes because the person wants to participate because they really want to.

• Specific – the consent is given to specific activities and only those activities. To include additional activities that were not agreed to at the outset means to be continually checking in with your partner before engaging in something different.

Overlapping themes

Reflecting on the tenets of the FRIES consent model, the overlap can be seen between them and the tenets of consent models that are commonly used in kink practices. In the final part of this series on consent models in kink, I will talk further about this overlap and where the differences may appear between kinky sex and mainstream practices, especially when it comes to obtaining consent.

Trauma Informed Consensual Kink (TICK)

One example of the modern shift of understanding of kink practices and consent models is Trauma Informed Consensual Kink (TICK). Although there is a misconception that people are drawn to kinky and alternative sexual practices due to unresolved trauma, there is emerging research showing that BDSM and kink can help individuals heal from these experiences, either intentionally or as a by product of the practice. This has encouraged the development of consent models that address the individual differences people bring to the practice, including trauma.

Reflections in consent

One of these consent models is Trauma Informed Consensual Kink (TICK). Developed as a reflective framework, it is designed to deepen individual’s understanding of themselves in isolation and in relation to others. The framework acknowledges that most people we encounter will have experienced some form of trauma or harm, and negotiating consent requires an intentional approach that recognizes the complexities that lie at the intersection of trauma and pleasure. It isn’t a step-by-step guide as such, with clear points to tick off as seen in the other frameworks we have looked at, but rather it is a lens from which to view people and their experience within alternative sexual practice.

Kinky vs Vanilla 

In my final piece on consent models in kink, I will draw everything together by exploring the question of what differentiates the consent we need to obtain prior to and during kink practices, from mainstream or “normal” sexual practice. Is there a difference, and if so what is it? And if there is no difference, how does that affect the binary of “kinky vs vanilla” that is commonly applied to sexual practices?

Rem Sequence is an Australian adult content creator, blogger, and internationally published alt model. She has a background in psychology, philosophy and political science and worked in health and sex education, youth work and trauma counselling for almost two decades. Now, she works full time in the adult industry, as well as indulging her passion for arts, writing and music in numerous side projects.