A really common, and I mean REEEEAALY common question we get here at Adult Bliss is “How can I increase my libido”. Libido is extremely complex and affected by environmental factors! Relationship dynamics, mental health and wellbeing, sexual satisfaction and pleasure, external stressors and even medications, the list goes on… Today we are going to discuss how communication is one of the things you can do to improve your libido and start having amazing sex!

Communication Communication Communication!

If this isn’t the first article you clicked on, then you have probably heard this one before, but it’s because its true; Communication is the single most important thing you can do to improve your sexual satisfaction!

There are three types of sexual communication we like to focus on:

Step One; Pleasure Communication:

“I really like it when you do BLANK”
“Can we please do more of BLANK because that turns me on”
“Have you ever tried Blank? Maybe we should give it a go?”
“Hey just checking in, do you like it when I do BLANK?”
“What would you like to do more of in the bedroom?”
“How do you feel about using adult toys?”

This is communicating your sexual desires and needs, while asking your partner to communicate their sexual desires and needs as well. Not only is this a great tool for increasing pleasure during sex, just the act of talking about it can be super sexy and get you in the mood. Speaking of tools, we often get people through our store looking to surprise their partner with a new toy. While spontaneity can be exciting, it’s still important to discuss new additions to your dynamic and know what your partner enjoys or thinks they might want to try, especially since many toys can’t be returned!

Step Two; Consent Communication

is super important, it’s super sexy to go into a sexual encounter knowing that none of your boundaries are going to be broken! That’s what consent communication is all about, it’s your opportunity to make sure that your partner knows what you don’t like and aren’t interested in doing, as well as what you are interested in exploring! Maybe one of you is into kink play, maybe you just really love missionary, and maybe you’re both open to shifting your bedroom activities, but you need to talk about where your lines are.

Remember these boundaries are set in stone until they aren’t, what we mean by that is our interests and sexual desires change with time.

For example, you tell your new partner that you love having anal sex with them, but later on down the track you find you enjoy it less, this is a perfect time to have a consent conversation, tell your partner that anal sex is off the table for a while. This shift might last a month or a year or may never change at all, and that’s ok as long as you’re not coerced into doing something you aren’t comfortable with!

This helps to make sex even safer and more enjoyable for everyone, giving you the opportunity to stress less about awkward and uncomfortable moments during sex and just be in the moment!

We talk more about consent specifically regarding BDSM play here

Step Three; Flirty Communication

now that you and your partner have shared what you like about sex and what your boundaries are, you can start flirting! Yes, that’s right flirting is something that you can keep doing even after you start dating someone, and guess what!? you can keep doing it through your whole relationship! In fact, its integral to long term sexual satisfaction! 

Flirting can be done in a number of ways, just remember that the way you flirt might make your partner uncomfortable or embarrassed. If this is the case back to step one: Pleasure communication, then step two: Consent communication, now you’re good to go again!

Sexting is a fantastic way to flirt for a lot of reasons, but it’s especially great if your busy schedules mean you often find yourself in a cheeky mood while away from your partner/s.

We find people love sexting on the app Snapchat, this is a really fun platform because everything you share disappears after a while and none of the images you might share are stored on your phone or the cloud! Another excellent feature of Snapchat is if the person you are sexting with screen captures the conversation Snapchat will notify you!

Concocting fantasies

Role-play scenarios is another terrific way of flirting. Some people like to pretend they have never met one another and meet up at a bar, maybe they get their partner to “deliver them a pizza” or even act out elaborate medieval or fantasy themes. There are a lot of different directions you can take so we won’t keep listing things, but you get the idea!

This is an opportunity to practice steps one and two again and really flesh out what kind of roleplay or fantasies each one of you might be into!

So, what’s next?

We have discussed our Pleasure, we have set our boundaries, and we have been flirting like crazy!! We both want to have sex but it’s just not working! Yup, this is the next phase of fixing your libido… Step 4, prioritising sex and pleasure!

Have read of (prioritising pleasure)