Expert Tips for Anal Play: A Beginner's Guide
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Anal Play: A Beginner's Guide to Pleasure, Consent, and Comfort
Anal play can be an exciting and deeply pleasurable experience—for everyone. Regardless of your gender or anatomy, the anus is home to a powerhouse of sensitive nerve endings, and for those with prostates, even more pleasure potential lies just a little further in. But before diving in, it’s important to go over a few key basics.
Understanding Consent in Anal Play
Consent Is Ongoing and Specific
Just because someone consents to sex doesn’t mean they’ve consented to anal sex. Anal play is a separate act that should never be assumed or pressured. It requires specific, enthusiastic, and informed consent—every single time.
If your partner isn’t comfortable, that’s their boundary, and it must be respected. No one owes anyone anal sex—ever.
Is Anal Sex Safe?
Yes—When Done Right
Anal sex is safe and pleasurable when approached with care. That means starting small, using the right products, and communicating clearly.
If you’re just starting out, don’t jump straight into penetrative sex with a large penis or toy. Instead, consider starting with an anal training kit, available at most adult stores. These kits include small plugs that gradually increase in size, helping your body get used to the sensations at your own pace.
Top Tips for Safe Anal Play
1. Lube Is Non-Negotiable
Use a high-quality lubricant—every time. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so applying plenty of lube is essential for both comfort and safety.
For skin-on-skin anal sex, try a silicone-based anal lube like JO Premium Anal—it’s long-lasting and perfect for beginners.
If you’re using condoms or toys made of silicone, opt for a water-based lube to prevent material breakdown.
2. Avoid Numbing Sprays
While it might sound tempting to use a numbing spray to “get it over with,” this can be dangerous. Pain is your body’s signal that something isn’t right—and numbing it removes that vital feedback.
Instead, try a relaxing spray or serum like PJUR Back Door, which helps reduce anxiety and soften the muscles without interfering with sensation.
3. Let the Receiver Lead
Whoever is being penetrated should be in control—of the pace, depth, and timing. Trust, communication, and patience go a long way. Remember: consent can be withdrawn at any time.
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Should I Be Worried About Cleanliness?
Let’s Talk Douching
Some people avoid anal sex because they worry it’s “dirty.” While it’s perfectly normal to have some concerns, anal douching is an option for those who want to feel a little more prepared.
Anal douches are designed to gently rinse the rectum with warm water.
Cleaning out beforehand can reduce anxiety, but it’s not required—many people enjoy anal without douching.
Avoid over-douching, which can cause irritation. Once is usually enough.
Check out our article on douching for more info
Important: Never use vaginal douches for anal play, and avoid douching vaginally unless advised by a doctor.
When Is the Best Time for Anal?
End on a High Note
Trying anal sex at the end of a session rather than the beginning can lead to a more enjoyable experience. After one or two orgasms, your body is relaxed and more receptive to new sensations. Genital stimulation beforehand can also help reduce discomfort and increase pleasure.
Anal Toys for Beginners
Start Small, Stay Safe
If you’re new to anal, we highly recommend checking out beginner-friendly toys. Look for:
Slim silicone butt plugs with a flared base (for safety)
Training kits that help you work your way up gradually
Vibrating plugs for added stimulation
Pro tip: Always use lubricant and never insert anything without a flared base—you don’t want to make an unexpected trip to the ER!
Final Thoughts on Anal Play
Anal play can be incredibly rewarding—but only if approached with care, communication, and consent. Whether you’re exploring solo or with a partner, take your time, listen to your body, and invest in quality products that make the experience safe and pleasurable.
TL;DR
How do you start with anal?
If you want to try anal sex, or expand your current anal play, prepare with proper personal hygiene, and good communication with your partner, if you are sharing with experience with a partner.
Is lube important for anal?
Lube is so important for comfort during anal play. If you are new to this kind of play you can start with fingers and small toys to help explore the sensations.
What should we consider before trying anal?
When trying anal play with a partner start slow and communicate what is pleasurable or what is painful. Listen to your body and be open about what is working for you.
Is there an ideal anal position or toy?
All bodies and anal preferences are different, experiment with different positions and toys to find what works for your body.
Is anal sex messy?
Anal sex is no more messy than any other kind of sex. If you are worried about the clean up you can have a shower after or use an anal douche.
What is the most important anal sex tip?
When enjoying anal sex always prioritize safety, communication and pleasure.
Should I use numbing creams during anal sex?
Don't use numbing creams for anal sex, they nute your natural pain responses that tell you something is wrong. Not only that but numbing the area deprives you of the pleasure!
