Being pregnant results in more than just a super cute addition to your family. There are multiple changes that take place, not only with the pregnant individual but also within the relationships with those around them. Unsurprisingly, people are concerned about their intimate and sexual relationships after pregnancy and how these will change with the new arrival. In this blog post, I will talk about the changes that take place during and after pregnancy, when you can have sex again and what to do if things are not going as you had hoped.

Changes That Occur During and After Pregnancy

It is not hard to notice the physical changes that place in a person’s body while they are pregnant. There are significant permanent changes that take place to accommodate the growth and birth of a baby and it can be very confronting for people who do not expect this. Some people are impacted by these changes in such a way that they don’t want to have sex or be intimate with someone that they were once comfortable with. The fear of being judged as not being as physically desirable as before they were pregnant is very real for a lot of people, and pressure to return to a pre-baby body is everywhere.

Everybody is different and there are a variety of physical, psychological and emotional changes that take place for pregnant people. Libido is often affected and while some people may experience a surge in their sex drive whilst pregnant, this can then completely disappear after the birth of their baby. This is due in part to estrogen levels going back to pre-pregnancy levels rapidly after birth, and if a mother is breastfeeding, their estrogen levels can drop even further. Estrogen is key for many body functions, including vaginal lubrication, so the changes that take place regarding hormones cannot be underestimated.

People’s physical recovery from pregnancy and birth can vary, depending on the type of birth and any additional trauma the body sustained. Caesarean births are considered a major abdominal surgery so require special care afterwards, but a natural vaginal birth can also result significant damage to the vagina and surrounding areas. Sexual activities which may have been pleasurable before may be uncomfortable and difficult post pregnancy and birth, and this may be temporary as the body repairs itself or it may be longer lasting.

When Can You Have Sex Again

The main question that people have regarding sex and birth is when they can have sex again. Although some health professional will recommend a standard 6 weeks before having penetrative sex, it all just really depends on how you and your partner feel. You don’t need to avoid sex, (unless this has been explicitly said by your health professional based on your birth experience) but also you should not feel pressured to have sex.

Having a baby is bound to change the kind of sex you have and have often you have it. Not only does the care of a baby impact on time and energy levels, but lots of people report feeling “touched out” from the intense physical contact that newborns require. Maintaining communication with your partner about these feelings is really important, as well as making sure you are sharing the burden of household tasks, and spending quality time together. This is a really good time explore and develop other types of intimacy aside from penetrative sex. Cuddling, holding hands, kissing and massage are ways to build confidence in physical affection and explore what feels good.

It is also important to remember contraception if you are a heterosexual couple. Some birthing mothers are fertile and able to conceive even before they have a period, so make sure you discuss contraception with your partner before unprotected, penetrative sex.  Some say that it is less likely for you become pregnant if you are breastfeeding, but there are no guarantees. If you are not ready to become pregnant immediately, then act accordingly and get protected!

If Things Aren’t Going As Planned

When it comes to having babies, you will find that the best laid plans rarely go as expected. This is why communication is key and seeking help when you need it is so important. Physical recovery, change in lifestyle and expectations not being reflected in reality can make this a difficult period for couples. Pinpointing the source of the issue can also be challenging. For example, discomfort experienced during sex can be due to the body not being healed sufficiently, but it can also be due to anxiety stemming from multiple points described earlier.

If you are having issues with returning to the sex life you want, the best thing to do is to talk to your health care professional about what is going on. It is a very common point of discussion after birth, and healthcare professionals have multiple resources they can access to assist you. Although you may not think it is important in the eyes of GPs, there is continued emphasis of sexual health and relationships in the post-natal period as part of best practice. So they are best placed to have your initial discussions.

Negotiating sexual relationships and intimacy after birth can be a challenging and uncomfortable process, but being aware of all the things that impact will have you better placed to deal with whatever you face.