Intro To BDSM: Red Flags and Discovering New Events (Part 3)
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Intro To BDSM Part 3
In this Intro to BDSM, we explore the power exchange between two consenting adults, involving role play, bondage, implements and different dynamics. It is about being yourself and not having to hide who you are and what you are into like some people have to in their everyday lives. BDSM is quite often misconstrued and misunderstood and some of the community at large has a lot of prejudices because of this. Learn to recognise Warning Signs and Discovering New Events
There is a lack of information around for the everyday Joe, causing poor understanding and misconceptions of what we like, want, do and who we are as people. so let’s continue our discussion on our intro to BDSM with local and online resources, and how to recognise the difference between BDSM and abuse!
Finding Your Community
Event Types and Events in Adelaide for Beginners
One of the most exciting parts of any Intro to BDSM is learning about the kinds of events you can explore safely and socially. There are a few different types of events and they are aimed at different demographics within the BDSM scene. Go and try to find one that suits you.
Munches
A munch is a BDSM event run in a vanilla setting. This is a very laid-back event. Normally over a meal or drinks in a local restaurant. People of like-minded BDSM identities can discuss their lives, share information, meet new people and form new relationships in the scene, A munch is a great event for newbies as it is in a neutral location and a great place to meet people to go to other events with. There are munches based on location, sexual preference and BDSM identity. I highly recommend these events as an introduction to the scene. A great place to find these events is on Fetlife, from here you can also message the munch organiser and get a feel for if it’s the place or people for you.
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Shibari Rope Spaces In Adelaide
ROPE – In Adelaide, there are rope classes you can do to learn bondage. There are lots of different types of ties and styles for doing this. Rope bondage originated in Japan and has been adopted by the Western world. I am not well versed in rope myself and don’t know the right terminology as the rope isn’t for me. But it’s worth giving it a go and seeing if you like it. In Adelaide, there are three formal organisations to learn at.
Shibari Adelaide, Peer Rope Adelaide (PRA) and Adelaide Rope Space (ARS).
All organisations have different levels depending on how much you know, how long you’ve been learning and what it is you want to learn. Both have special guest teachers come from all over the world come and teach sometimes and both favour different styles of rope. Like with everything you will have to go and try it and see which one is for you. Each organisation has welcoming members and staff who you can contact for more information if you wish. Again this is something you can find on Fetlife.
Swingers and Sex Positive Community In Adelaide
THE RABBIT HOLE – This event is for swingers. Couples, singles or groups; all are welcome. This is a vetted event where you can meet like-minded people and engage in adult fun. For more information, you can look on Facebook, their website and Fetlife. There are more events than this you just have to look. Google and Fetlife are your friends. Different events for different people no matter what level you are at.
Just get out there, try and enjoy.
If face to face is a bit too much for you try online,
FETLIFE – Fetlife is the Facebook of the kink community. Many people begin their Intro to BDSM journey by browsing Fetlife to find local events and make connections. You can communicate with kink minded people across the globe, become friends with people, read about peoples opinions and experiences, find events in your area and more. I have found this a great resource for reading about other peoples mistakes so I don’t have to make them myself.
FACEBOOK – Once you go to some munches and events and meet some people Facebook is a great place to talk to people and find out about more events.
BDSM WIKI – There is a lot of information here about a wide variety of topics. Do be aware that it is Wiki so anybody can alter it so don’t trust it alone. That being said, I have found it reliable and a great resource.
C.A.K.E – Community Awareness & Kink Education (C.A.K.E) is a private FB group that’s worth checking out! It’s basically a bunch of Kink Positive people sharing Kink Positive stuff! and is a great place to reach out for help!
Spotting Red Flags in the BDSM Scene
RED FLAGS, WARNING SIGNS AND DANGERS
As part of any good Intro to BDSM, it’s important to talk about safety and how to identify potential red flags. Red flags should always be taken seriously, don’t dismiss them or brush them off. A leopard never changes it’s spots. If it feels a bit off, if it sounds too good to be true it probably is. Trust your gut feeling. Trust your instincts.
These are some common red flags.
• Trying to get you to move too quickly from your comfort zone.
• Inappropriate attitudes, comments or questions that make you uncomfortable.
• Repeated reported safety violations or unwillingness to follow certain safety guidelines. Do be aware that somebody might just not like somebody, heed warnings when given from numerous sources and/or reliable sources.
• A lack of communication, too much communication, inconsistent communication regularity and changing of facts.
• A persistently reported bad reputation.
• Consistently speaking ill of previous partners.
• Interests only in consent violation play.
• Demanding you refer to them by a title i.e. master or sir immanently or before a relationship has been established. Remember just because they want you to call them something doesn’t mean you need to. People need to earn that from you.
Getting to Know Your Limits
When you first enter the scene or a new relationship, you might not be sure of what you want to try, you might not know the name of certain types of play or you might just need to know more information before you say yes or no. A good way to start is to watch some other people play and see if you are interested in what you see, ask questions and see if you want to give it a try. Another good way is to have a look at a checklist and write yes, maybe and no. This is good for your own knowledge but also to show a partner so they know your interests. There are numerous checklists available online, find one that works for you.
There is also a good quiz here to see what identifiers you have for different roles. This is good to show what area you should be looking at. This may change over time, as you learn what you like and become more involved in the scene. Whether you’re just curious or already exploring, this Intro to BDSM series is here to support your journey with community insight, safety tips, and real-world resources.
Check out Part 2 to this series or head back to Part 1 if you need a refresher!!
TL;DR
What is a ‘munch’ in the BDSM community?
A munch is a social event held in a vanilla (non-kink) setting, usually over food or drinks, where people can meet and chat in a low-pressure environment.
What’s the best way to find local BDSM events in Adelaide?
Try Fetlife, Facebook groups, or reach out to local orgs like Shibari Adelaide, Peer Rope Adelaide (PRA),
How can I tell if a BDSM group or person is unsafe?
Look out for red flags like poor communication, pushing boundaries too quickly, or demanding titles before a relationship is established.
What is the difference between ‘Dorothy’s Dungeon’ and ‘The Rabbit Hole’?
Dorothy’s Dungeon focuses on LGBTQ+ leather and fetish communities, while The Rabbit Hole is more swinger-oriented, open to couples, singles, and groups.
What should I do if I feel overwhelmed as a beginner?
Start slow, do your research, attend munches, and talk to people. Don’t rush into intense play until you feel informed and comfortable.
What’s a checklist for?
A BDSM checklist helps you define what activities you’re interested in (yes, maybe, no), and can help guide negotiations with a partner.
Where can I find a BDSM checklist or role quiz?
Online! Search for “BDSM activity checklist” or “BDSM role quiz” — they’re commonly shared in Fetlife groups and kink education forums.
