How to Overcome Low Body Self-Esteem During Sex
Jump To Section
- Understanding Self-Esteem During Sex
- Why Self-Esteem Issues Show Up in the Bedroom
- Open Communication: The Foundation of Confidence
- Embracing Limitations Without Shame
- Get Naked… and Comfortable With It
- Use Erotic Content That Reflects Reality
- Dress to Empower, Not Impress
- Remember: You’re Damn Fine!
- TL;DR
Understanding Self-Esteem During Sex
The body-positive movement has helped improve self-esteem during sex for people of all shapes and sizes, bringing in the era of curves big and small, of loving those tiger stripes, a time where we’re all starting to understand that popularised porn isn’t always representative of our natural desires. In short, you don’t have to look like the Jenner sisters or Chris Hemsworth to be attractive.
Why Self-Esteem Issues Show Up in the Bedroom
Everyone struggles with something about themselves, weight, body shape, libido, self-image, mental health or sexual history. These personal challenges can have a huge impact on self-esteem during sex, especially when you're sharing intimate moments. Whether you’re having casual sex, having regular booty calls or are part of an ongoing relationship.
Everyone can experience these struggles, they’re possibly most impactful when you are dealing with them in front of another person. These struggles are unique to each person, and some of the issues can feel like barriers to meaningful, pleasurable sex. Struggles are opportunities to explore and experiment, with yourself, your partner and the exciting array of products available to help turn up the heat in the bedroom.
Open Communication: The Foundation of Confidence
Above all else it’s important to talk to your partner, even Miranda Kerr asks her partners for a post-coitus critique. Honest communication is key to building trust and improving self-esteem during sex. Waiting until after sex to talk about your wants and needs could yield disappointing results. No one is a mind reader and noises can be misunderstood, discussing likes and dislikes helps, if words fail there is nothing clearer than showing your partner what you want and like. Sex is a mature and serious thing, but that doesn’t mean two consenting adults should take it too seriously.
Having a sense of humour is rated as one of the most attractive qualities in a person and that trait can be key to enjoying sex,
self-criticising humour is not included. People fart, get leg or back cramps, sometimes humping gets too vigorous or more lube is needed, a smile and a laugh can keep the mood alive as you navigate your hurdles. Dialogue is about more than just consent, it’s about understanding each other’s wants and needs, it’s the best way to enjoy sex together and individually.
Embracing Limitations Without Shame
Whether you’re curvy, slender, tall or short, anywhere on the vast spectrum of bodies, everyone has physical limitations. Flexibility is an individual limitation, regardless of your size or weight, exercises like Yoga and Pilates can improve flexibility, strengthen pelvic floor muscles, and support overall mental, physical and sexual health.
Common props from these activities, like bolster pillows and ankle straps, are excellent accessories to allow for different movements and positions.
Liberator has a great line of mounts, wedges and furniture to make every position more accessible and comfortable, such as the Liberator Wedge, and the Liberator Toy Mount, which has a handy slot for a dildo (there are mounts available for Fleshlights as well). Mobility issues can happen for a wide range of reasons, whether you’re managing a short-term recovery or a lifelong disorder, everyone should be able to access safe, comfortable, pleasurable sex, and sometimes extra support can help. Using props like wedges or supportive gear can enhance comfort and help build self-esteem during sex.
Get Naked… and Comfortable With It
Talk It Out, Laugh It Off
Being naked in front of another person can feel uncomfortable, yet there are many ways to explore being naked together that focus on intimacy and enjoyment, helping to ease anxieties. Swimming naked is a great place to start, or save some water and shower or bath together; try sensual massage as a surprise treat or planned date with each other.
Shared activities like baths and massage create an environment that removes the stress of standing face to face, naked, in front of another person, redirecting your attention to the pleasure of the company and activity.
Whether you’re odour conscious or are partial to good scents, the right products can enhance your experience, for the bath, there are bath bombs and oils; for a massage, there is a range of delightful products to stimulate your touch, some are even edible. If in doubt, Wildfire has a range of essential oil mood mists to help turn your love nest into an erogenous zone.
Use Erotic Content That Reflects Reality
Watching Porn, Reading Smut, Finding Your Turn-On
exploring graphic or erotic content together can help open communication for new experiences and put your mind in the mood with very little effort.
Seeing porn actors with similar body types can relieve some of the anxieties people feel about porn,
that the slender, big (or small) breasted creatures on screen are more desirable than yourself. Erotic content isn’t limited to PornHub and RedTube’s selection of videos. Patreon and OnlyFans have given a platform to less mainstream interests like Cosplay, ASMR, and JOI videos. There’s a world of videos, photos, erotic stories and extra content for people to explore alone and together. Videos aren’t always cohesive to people’s libido, that’s where erotica comes in, erotica comes in a variety of forms, traditional books, audiobooks, independently published and the ever-popular fan fiction websites. Exploring erotic content together can help you feel more open to new conversations and help comfortably transition exchanges from the stories to your own desires.
Dress to Empower, Not Impress
Lingerie and Self-Love
Sexy, flimsy material, designed to hug curves, make you feel sexy and empowered, and arouse the interest of your partner, lingerie is designed for all this and more, yet so many people are intimidated by it. Stomach coverage and bust support are commonly cited concerns.
The classic baby doll is perfect for addressing this, whilst feeling comfortable and flirty, plus it can stay on during foreplay and sex, leaving your stomach covered,
and allowing easy access to the chest and groin areas. Body suits provide figure contouring and support, eliminating jiggles and highlighting natural assets, many bodysuits offer crotch-less options and snap closures, providing easy access without removing the bodysuit.
These options, and most lingerie, is marketed towards women, however with a little confidence and imagination there is no limit to what you can wear for your partner to find you sexy, or how you wear it. Lingerie, sex, sexy toys, pornography, erotica and everything about intimacy should be about mutual enjoyment. Lingerie isn’t just for the bedroom—it’s a tool to empower and elevate self-esteem during sex.
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Remember: You’re Damn Fine!
Sex can be bonding, fun, exciting, new, or unexpected, but however your experience starts, communication of each other’s choice is the most important basis. Building self-esteem during sex often starts with reframing how you see yourself and recognizing your worth. There are endless products available to help each person feel more comfortable communicating their wants, access new experiences and try new positions. Whether you feel mildly out of shape or overweight, how you feel can directly impact your libido, relationship and your sex life, but with just a little bit of effort, you can change your mindset and your sex life.
By using open communication, mutual understanding and whatever toys you are both comfortable with, no negative feeling is too hard to overcome. It might help you to know that there is erotic fan fiction of everyone from X-Men to Harry Potter, so no matter how you think you look, someone thinks you’re damn fine.
TL;DR
What is self-esteem during sex?
It refers to how confident and secure a person feels about themselves and their body during intimate moments. It affects pleasure, communication, and overall sexual satisfaction.
Can low self-esteem impact my sex life?
Absolutely. It can affect your desire, ability to communicate, and even how much pleasure you experience. Building confidence can significantly improve your sex life.
How can I boost my self-esteem before sex?
Engage in body-positive practices, wear something that makes you feel good, try self-pleasure, use erotic content that reflects your values, and talk openly with your partner.
Is it normal to feel nervous or unattractive during sex?
Yes. Many people feel vulnerable during sex. These feelings are common, but they don’t define your worth or desirability.
Do sex toys help with self-esteem?
They can! Using toys can increase pleasure and reduce anxiety, helping you feel more in control and confident in your sexual experience.
What should I do if my partner struggles with self-esteem during sex?
Be supportive, patient, and non-judgmental. Encourage open conversations and explore ways to make intimacy more comfortable and affirming for both of you.
