In the 18 months since my husband and I decided to open up our sexual lives together we have had small collection of interesting experiences. We have kept ourselves open to the idea of a threesome during this time. You may have read my opening discussion on the topic Why I took my husband to a brothel part 1 and part 2,  since then we have had a limited range of experiences. Admittedly we have not searched out the situations that have happened, rather we have taken for granted the opportunities that occurred organically for us and have hoped that would be the norm.

After a long night socialising and catching up with friends we brought one of our friends, Violet, home with us. Throughout the night she had mentioned an interest in having a threesome with but I half thought that she would just crash on our spare bed. After sharing a nightcap together, she and I initiated the threesome on said spare bed. It was somewhat nerve wracking as my husband and I haven’t brought another woman into our space alone. Previously our experiences were limited to other couples where only the other woman and I would interact sexually, or with sex workers.

Before I continue any further discussion on our exploits I feel it is important to clarify why this made both of us nervous. Firstly there has been an eleven year build up before this moment, when my husband and I first started dating and I made my sexuality clear, we’ve both shared a fantasy of enjoying a threesome together. We never rushed into the idea because we knew the impact that it could have on our relationship, and we valued our relationship boundaries over a moment of fun. Secondly there was now a third person to worry about, my husband and I know each other’s bodies and preferences well, but what about hers? Violet was enthusiastic about joining us but none of us were focused on a conversation once the threesome had started, and despite being friends she and I haven’t spent a whole heap of time discussing our sexual preferences.

So how was it?

Fantastic from start to finish. The sounds coming from the spare bed that night, from everyone, were memorable. One might assume that there was jealousy or emotional insecurity, and to that I would say, as far as I am aware we are all happy and interested in trying it together again. It might be worth mentioning here that my husband and I have had many long talks about boundaries in this type of scenario, and the only big one we have is that if he penetrates the other woman/women with his penis then he has to wear a condom. I don’t feel like I have to explain the various health reasons why that boundary is important. Violet and I have also openly discussed the relationship my husband and I have, so she was aware of our boundaries before she came home with us.

The strangest part of it all was afterwards where somehow I ended up between my husband and Violet, where they both proceeded to fall asleep while snuggling into my chest. It wasn’t unpleasant or unwelcome, just unexpected. Waking up the next morning Violet had slipped out without waking us, and having never had another person share our bed for the night, at first we were a little nervous and guilty about having someone doing the “post-coital catwalk” from our place midweek. Later in the day she and I messaged, touching base with each other and that was when things started to feel normal again. I’m not sure what it is like for other friends who become intimate with each other but our little tryst seemed to need some mutual validation.

How has this impacted my marriage?

If it has had any impact at all I would say it has been positive. Realising fantasies together has been a big booster to our sex life. Each time he and I have done something new, involving another woman, we find new passion together. Maybe it is that we see something new, sexually, in each other when we have these experiences, and this new perspective fuels how we feel about ourselves and each other. I have to admit that seeing someone else finding both your partner and you as sexually attractive is a huge confidence boost. I wouldn’t recommend seeking out this kind of situation to improve your confidence though, that idea could backfire catastrophically.

So where do we go from here?

Honestly both my husband and myself could not tell you, the idea of enjoying another ménage à trois, or 10, together is exciting, but if that was the last experience we have, then as far as we have discussed, we can die happy. Can any of us change our minds about how we feel about any of this situation? Of course we can, what I think is important here is that we have allowed for open communication, if any of us feels the need to establish a boundary or discuss feelings about any previous or future experiences then that is 100% ok. For me the most important things are that we are all consenting, communicating and having fun.