What is a unicorn and why does it seem that so many people are unicorn hunting? A unicorn is a swinger’s and Ethical Non- Monogamy term for a single female who wants join couples in their amorous activities with no emotional strings attached. This is different to poly where you form emotional connections and date more than one person. The reason is 2-fold….

1. They’re generally wanted to be bisexual to fill the wants of both partners, so they are associated with the rainbow that the LGBTQIA+ community and unicorns have become synonymous with in pop-culture.
2. They’re called unicorns because they are thought to be rare mythical creatures, they are elusive and sometimes hard to find; they are coveted and precious to hold on to when you find a good one…. which is where hunting comes in.

People who want a 3rd to join them in the bedroom sometimes need to go out of their way to find somebody wanting to join them too. But how do you go about it and how do you not. Here are some of my best practice tips to engage in unicorn hunting ethically…..

• Don’t be a dick. That says it all. Just don’t, you’ll find the door swung in your face pretty fast if you are.
• Ethically approach single women, treat them with respect, just because they are single doesn’t mean they automatically want everybody or everything, they are people with their own wants and needs too.
• Please only approach them with honesty, don’t say we both really want this when really the man does, and the woman is only going along with it to please their partner. This can cause a lot of jealously and issues down the line. If you are in this position maybe you’re not in the right space to start including others yet.
• Remember to be open and honest about what you are expecting and wanting. Do you want this to only happen once? Are you looking for a friend who joins you regularly? Are you not sure yet? Don’t say that you want something weekly and then never talk to them again. Unicorns have feelings too.
• Is this something that only happens together or are you wanting to play singularly too? Make sure this is communicated and express if there is any changes to this together. If one side of the partnership came up to me and said oh yeah we play alone now too, I would want to check that with the other partner first. Are you about to be caught lying and cheating?

• Approach unicorns together and continue on the same footing, don’t show up to a planned meet saying oh my wife will come next time or my wife is sick/had to work but we can still play alone now… we aren’t stupid, we know what you’re doing. It isn’t fair to drag somebody else and somebody else’s feelings into your shadiness.
• Apps – there are specific adult content dating apps that are geared to swingers and people is Ethical non-monogamous relationships. Adult Match Maker and Red Hot Pie and to some degree Tinder are the main ones I know about. These are a lot better to find people looking for the same thing as you than traditional dating sites.
• While poly pages, Facebook pages and Fetlife are good resources to use to get knowledge and meet like minded people, don’t come in guns blazing, no knowledge of how it works in that community and just start posting wanting unicorns to parade themselves for your choosing… we’re not show ponies that just perform on queue for you to pick and choose based on looks alone.
• Approach with respect and wanting to know the community and the person behind the skin. This will get you a lot further in you relationships in the community and with potential play partners.
• While relationships and friendships don’t always last, try to leave things amicably. Remember we are part of a community and know each other, so if you do any dodgy stuff, cheat, lie or hurt people, it gets reported back and you might find unicorns will no longer want to play with you.

There are also specific swingers events, these are places you can go, meet and maybe play with other couples or unicorns. These places are great because everybody is of the same mind and there is a higher level of respect and safety for unicorns to meet couples in these spaces. These swingers events might hold information sessions to help you, they will hold different events to suit peoples different tastes, lifestyles and for different age groups, they will inform you on consent and expectations and they will maintain a safe and welcoming space.

In my area the premiere swingers party is The Rabbit Hole they are a great venue, they maintain respect and provide an inviting purposely fitted out venue the likes of which Adelaide has never seen before. If you are from a different area, then have a look around, there will be one or more that you will like.

The most important things to take away from this is be yourself, have fun, be honest and don’t be a dick. Unicorn hunting, or finding a third for the bedroom doesn't have to be a negative experience for anyone.