If you have read my previous post about the orgasm gap, you would know that women have issues with achieving orgasm, especially when engaging in heterosexual sex. We all think we know what an orgasm looks like and sounds like, but unless you are inside someone’s body, you don’t know if they have climaxed or not. And the fact is… people fake orgasms. Research focussing on why people fake orgasms showed that 53 to 67% of women and 18% of men say they have pretended to have an orgasm at least once. But why on earth would people fake orgasms? If you are interested in the answer to this question, you are in luck because scientists are interested in this too, so we have a bit of evidence to draw from!

Because They Want To Make Their Partner Feel Good

People lie for a variety of reasons, not only for their own self interest, but also to benefit others. This phenomena, known as “altruistic deceit”, is those little white lies which are told to make another person feel good. Although deception itself is unethical, this tactic is used by people in various contexts to strengthen bonds and increase trust. The definition of when this crosses over into toxic territory is debated, but altruistic deception appears in the literature regarding why people lie about having an orgasm. In this case, it is driven by a fear of hurting their partner’s ego and a desire to make them feel successful. In this situation, a person fakes an orgasm not in their own self-interest but to protect their partner from guilt, disappointment, shame and embarrassment. All altruistic motives!

Because It Turns Them On

An interesting finding from one particular scientific study was that heterosexual women fake orgasms because it increases the excitement of their sexual experience. The faking in this instance is directed at the self as opposed to their partner and made them more aroused and therefore, enjoy sex more. It kind of aligns with the motto “fake it till you make it”, right?

Because They Are Insecure or Afraid

Research has found that some people worry that they won’t be viewed as attractive or desirable if they don’t achieve orgasm. This can also lead to worries that partner will lose interest in them if they are unable to orgasm while being intimate with them. This reason relates to wanting to make partners feel good about themselves and altruistic deceit. However, if achieving orgasm is linked directly with desirability and a person’s value, it can result in significant pressure to perform in a way that isn’t genuine.

Unfortunately, there are many unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex. These expectations are influenced by society that does not encourage sex education, media hyper-focussed on orgasm, partners beliefs about sex, and what we think sex should be like. Many people prove they are enjoying sex or that they are good in bed by referring to the number of orgasms achieved in a time period or with a certain person. As I have spoken about previously, so many factors influence orgasm, and it is unhealthy to correlate climax with enjoyment of sex or sexual prowess.

Because They Want to Make the Sex Stop

People may fake an orgasm to get the experience over and done with. We utilise sexual scripts when we are intimate with others as they provide a way to predict how an act is going to progress. Although the script may be slightly different depending on different factors (such as culture, place, time etc), people are usually aware of the script they are meant to be using in their situation. So a modern sexual interaction between a heterosexual couple may progress in the following way; foreplay, woman orgasms and then man orgasms. If a woman wants to make the sex stop in this situation, then faking an orgasm is something she can do in order to progress through the script, and make the sex stop without having to explicitly ask it to end. Research has focussed on women who fake orgasms as a way of ending problematic sexual encounters. Although the women in this study didn’t label the sex as nonconsensual, they reported as least one sexual encounter in their past that was problematic and how this related to faking sexual pleasure. The connection between consent, sexual violence and feigning sexual pleasure is an area being explored by researchers and something we need to have more conversations about.

Because They Are Embarrassed or Self-Conscious

Discussing our sexual needs or desires is typically not encouraged and we may not be sure even how to start communicating about them. Faking an orgasm is one way of avoiding the conversation altogether. If people start to admit that they didn’t achieve orgasm, then it would mean talking about what they need to feel excited about the experience, which can lead to people feeling embarrassed and self-conscious. When people’s sexual needs don’t align with those of their partner, it takes exceptional communication skills to work through that. Sometimes, faking the orgasm is easier.

Because They Are Worried That They Can’t Reach Orgasm

As I spoke about in my piece on the Orgasm Gap, some women have never experienced an orgasm, find it hard or don’t know how to reach orgasm. This can come from a lack of understanding of female orgasm or how as an individual you can have a pleasurable sexual experience. Faking an orgasm relieves this pressure caused by this lack of knowledge.

As you can see, there is a wide range of reasons why people would fake orgasms and how you approach the issue really depends on what is the reason for faking. The reason also gives you an idea if it is an issue or not. For example, if the person fakes an orgasm to increase their pleasure, is it really an issue? By being able to explore the reasons through respectful and effective communication, while also remaining flexible about what constitutes pleasurable sex, they can be addressed if needed.