When you put sex and children in the same sentence everyone freaks out, but sex-positive conversations with children and teens are not only constructive but necessary for your kids to grow into independent adults with a healthy and informed sex life and strong future relationships.

The sex-positive parent website says

“Being a sex-positive parent means we assume that our children will grow into autonomous, sexually active adults and we support our children’s individual sexual identity no matter what.”

This support is a lifelong process where the conversations start early with age-appropriate explanations.

There are lots of ways to have positive and age appropriate conversations with children and teens, here are some conversations that might arise and strategies around talking to children about sex, sexual health, gender and sexuality, appropriate (safe) and inappropriate (unsafe) behaviours.

If a child is able to ask a question they are able to have the answer, yes the wording and explanation might be different based on their age but there is no need to shy away from introducing these topics openly to your children. One good way to start is using correct language for body parts when it comes to conversations with our kids, not all of us are so comfortable using the real names of genitals, let alone speaking about them at all.

Body safety experts say this needs to change.
“A survey of my parent mates shows we’re still using nicknames like fanny, va-jay-jay, front bum, pee pee, doodle, todger and willy.”

Sexuality educator Vanessa Hamilton says euphemisms are associated with old-fashioned embarrassment passed between generations.”

“Ms Hamilton says a good place to start talking about body parts with under-fives is in the bath. “Talk about and point out eyes, ears, nose, elbows, shoulders, vulva, vagina, penis, scrotum, all in the same neutral tone.” This normalises talking about all of our body right from the start.”

“It’s just a body part. The sexualised nature of it — giggling, shame and fear — that’s the adult stuff. We don’t want to put that onto children.”

“Holly-ann Martin is the director of child abuse prevention education program Safe4Kids and says using anatomical names can help protect children.
She says studies show that predators are less likely to target children who use correct names because it’s a signal those children have been empowered and educated in body safety.
Ms Martin also says speaking about body parts and privacy is the foundation for introducing your child to consent.”

There is a lot in this article that is helpful, so have a read; I found it very useful.

There are two reasons children start asking questions about sex-related topics:

One they want and need an honest answer or two they have been in a situation they’re not comfortable with or have little understanding with and want to talk to you about it. Either way, it is important to be open, receptive, non-judgemental and honest with them. How you handle every serious conversation will stick with your child, so if you want them to be open and honest with you next time, you need to be constantly the same with them.

So how can you judge what is age appropriate for them to know? It is highly likely that anything your child wants to talk about has been discussed before, so use resources to be informed before the questions start. Read a few books, read internet articles from reputable sources, ask friends with kids what they would say in different situations.

With technology the way it is today children can access vast amounts of information a lot easier than their parents could have at their age, some of this information is good for them to know, others aren’t age-appropriate, that’s one reason parental controls on computers are important but also that your child feels comfortable to discuss anything they come across with you.

Not only do kids and teens have access to the internet they have access to peers their age, friends, and older siblings. What one person learns they will pass around the schoolyard to their friends, if one gets given information or gains access behind caregivers backs to pornography online they will tell all that will hear them.

This can be a natural progression or can expose your child a bit early to something they aren’t ready for. Either way it comes back to open and honest communication with their caregivers.