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How To Make Masturbation More Exciting

Here's a tip: It's about the journey, not racing to the finish.

Self love, it comes in many forms whether it be kind words to yourself or a lil treat now and again. But let’s talk about the self love saved for our intimate moments… I of course mean Masturbation.

From the moment we find out about how our bodies work sexually we are quite often told that enjoying that alone is a no no, a shameful act  to be hidden under covers and behind locked doors. It’s this kind of mentality that often leaves us alone in the dark (no pun intended) when it comes to enjoying ourselves.

There are many any influences that can play into a broken relationship with your own body as well, SA survival, self revulsion, or simply not knowing how can all be factors that turn our sexual selves against us.

When Masturbation becomes a goal oriented activity instead of quality time with yourself it can affect your relationship with yourself and others. So how do we invite ourselves back to the party? Let’s take a look…

Exploring yourself:

A very important part of enjoying yourself is knowing yourself, and unfortunately too many do not. Shame plays into a lack of self exploration frequently, or for men quite often they aren’t informed they have erogenous zones away from the genitals . Having been socialised male through my formative years I know I never heard of men exploring there bodies its simply a ‘quick nut’ that is given as an option.

Take some time out of your schedule to “get to know you”, touch yourself EVERYWHERE. Human bodies are such amazing and individual things following a formula isn’t going to encompass us all. Listen to how your body reacts to your touch, oh your lower back gave you a tingle when brushed over… some could say that’s weird but it’s YOUR body to understand not their’s.

I especially encourage men to take some time to explore what areas have been looked over. Too often I’ve heard words to the effect of ‘nipple play is for women’ this is entirely untrue the nipples are a source of pleasure for many people.

Stimulation, from unexpected sources:

So what’s the number one method of visual stimulation in relation to self pleasure?

Pornography of course, which there’s nothing wrong with porn it can be a great ‘encourager’, but when you were watching that action movie the other week the scene with the explosion gave you a little thrill and what was that about?

Another part of understanding self is letting yourself be aroused, that explosion can be incorporated into fantasy or you could find q visual stimulant that has them in it… action porn anyone?

I recall the film Crash from the 90s, dealing with the subject of people gaining arousal from car crashes it was an interesting thing to learn about even if the subject was at times handled poorly. There are a million ways to stimulate your mind if you allow it to happen. I found discovering my stimulants outside of normal sexual activity quite awakening in other ways.

Stop thinking of the endgame (you aren’t Dr Strange):

Orgasms are fantastic its true, but we’ve been told in so many ways this is the goal the be all and end all, television, movies, and even music have painted Cumming as what you NEED! But why sleep on the journey?

Even if you’re exploring yourself you can sometimes fall into the want for release, but should you stop exploration to end what you started?

Imagine if you would the pleasure you’re building is a person at a door waiting and you open the door to let them through, now imagine making them wait and another person waits at the door then another, and another. Now when you open the door there’s 4 people pushing through ready to be released… see where I’m going here? *wink* Building to something greater is an amazing way to give yourself the kind of orgasms they’ve been pedalling in the media all this time.

Edging is a great way to try this theory in practice. Edging is the art of getting to the precipice of orgasm then coming back down a bit before returning to that precipice, rinse and repeat till things can no longer be held… personally a fan of this practice.

Let it go, let it go:

Life is busy, life is stressful, half of you have probably thought ‘but Charlotte I don’t have time for these things my minds running a million miles a minute’.

If there’s time to masturbate there’s time to do it right, and a big part of that is letting go of the things that came before so you can cum after. Work stresses, finances, the argument with your neighbour have no place in YOU time and believe it or not you deserve you time. Ofcourse there are deeper issues that may be harder to let go of, I personally have stopped masturbating before because others weren’t perceiving me as attractive so why should I?

These are harder to work through but not impossible with help and understanding, I don’t pretend to be a psychologist so I can’t understand everyone’s relationship with themselves but one thing I was told that has always helped me…

You are guaranteed one pleasure in life given to you that no one can take from you: your own sexual pleasure. Meaning no matter what the taxman, the state, or the grumpy woman down the road do to you you’ll always have your own body and its responses.

Make it fun:

Sex games are a great time with others so why not with yourself?

There’s so many ways to make a game of pleasure why save all the fun for a partner? Plus you can incorporate it into your self exploration! Sex Dice… touch/ear… haven’t tried my ears before why not give a go! Porn watcher? Look up some JOI (jerk off instruction) videos, I’m personally a fan of red light green light where on green you play and red you (often frustratingly) stop.

Pleasure is serious business but that doesn’t mean it has to be serious, have fun with yourself you deserve it.

Self talk:

In a world where we’re too often told what’s wrong with us we really need to take time to say what’s right with us. Negative outside pressure can affect your relationship with your body ‘but Charlotte I’ve already let go like you said’, you’ve let go of the influences but have you let yourself know that the feelings left behind aren’t your fault?

Try telling yourself how much of a sexual being you are, is your hair on point today? Awesome champion that thought… maybe imagine it getting messed out of shape by someone.

Someone called you ugly, do you have to believe one person’s opinion? No you’re entitled to self worth.

Remind yourself of these things, not just before sexy time but whenever. Rebuild a relationship with you as a sexual being.

Pleasure is beautiful, you’re capable of great pleasure, so you must be beautiful.

For the guys:

Ok my dudes before I mentioned how you’re told Cumming is what you’re there for. The locker room mentality of ‘I got in there and busted a nut’ is outdated men are as deserving of great orgasms as women but you’re often shamed for any sensuality expressed.

I say bunk to that good sir, take the advice given and be unashamed to try you.

One area that is often made fun of it labelled as ‘gay’ in the derogatory sense is anal play. Tell your friends you gave your girl anal and you’ll be a legend, tell them you have a dildo and all of a sudden you’re the devil.

I’m here to say don’t be afraid of your butthole for the sake of others. As I’m sure you know the prostate is an integral part of male sexual health, but its also an absolute pleasure centre of nerves and other goodies to be explored. I’m not saying you have to rush out and get a 9 inch dildo! But don’t deny yourself going there if it’s something you’ve been curious about, I learnt how to enjoy the area before coming out trans/starting my transition and I found it most enjoyable. When I became comfortable enough to share what I’d discovered with a partner it only improved our sex life.


Self love is tricky, it’s impacted by so many things but my main goal here is to tell you it’s ok to enjoy yourself. It’s ok to be into yourself and give time to you for your own pleasure.

Understanding yourself is key to healthy and enjoyable sex with yourself, and others. But unfortunately we don’t come with operating manuals, so slow it down sometimes listen to your body it will know the way

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