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Warning Signs and Discovering New Events (prt 3)

BDSM is basically a power exchange between two consenting adults, involving role play, bondage, implements and different dynamics. It is about being yourself and not having to hide who you are and what you like, like some people have to in their everyday lives. BDSM is quite often is misconstrued, misunderstood and some of the community at large has a lot of prejudices because of this. Learn to recognise Warning Signs and Discovering New Events

There is a lack of information around for the everyday Joe, causing poor understanding and misconceptions of what we like, want, do and who we are as people. so let’s continue our discussion on our intro to BDSM with local and online resources, and how to recognise the difference between BDSM and abuse!


There are a few different types of events and they are aimed at different demographics within the BDSM scene. Go and try to find one that suits you.

A MUNCH – A munch is a BDSM event run in a vanilla setting. This is a very laid back event. Normally over a meal or drinks in a local restaurant. People of like-minded BDSM identities can discuss their lives, share information, meet new people and form new relationships in the scene, A munch is a great event for newbies as it is in a neutral location and a great place to meet people to go to other events with. There are munches based on location, sexual preference and BDSM identity. I highly recommend these events as an introduction to the scene. A great place to find these events is on Fetlife, from here you can also message the munch organiser and get a feel for if it’s the place or people for you.

SWITCH – Switch is a BDSM themed club located in Adelaide, this is open to the public and anybody is welcome, security will tell you the basic rules at the entrance.

Switch is entry-level involvement. It is a good place to meet people and hear more about the scene and learn what BDSM is all about. Because of the nature of it being a public event, it is only “surface BDSM”. There is very little protocol observed at these events.

If high protocol is what you want to learn you can find other events from here. Here is a good place to observe some play. Patrons are welcome to play at the event and most play here is basic play, nothing too crazy. There are also some shows on the night where you can see some of the more advanced play.

These more advanced play types take training and time to learn and shouldn’t be attempted by beginners. If you are interested in learning about any types of play you observe, wait until the scene is finished and then go and ask the Top about it, where they learnt or any advice they can give you. If you are interested in more high protocol private events you can start getting involved with them once you have been in the scene for a while. You need to establish yourself, meet people, make friends and start to learn before you go to these events.

DOROTHY’S DUNGEON – This event is run by Adelaide Leather and Fetish primarily for the LGBTQ+ community who are interested in leather, latex, puppy play and fetishes. This event is a bit more streamlined to specific sexual and fetish origination, but it is still a great environment and welcoming for people who are interested in this type of event.

ROPE – In Adelaide there are rope classes you can do to learn bondage. There are lots of different types of ties and styles for doing this. Rope bondage originated in Japan and has been adopted by the western world. I am not well versed in rope myself and don’t know the right terminology as rope isn’t for me. But it’s worth giving it a go and seeing if you like it. In Adelaide, there are three formal organisations to learn at.

Shibari Adelaide, Peer Rope Adelaide (PRA) and Adelaide Rope Space (ARS).

All organisations have different levels depending on how much you know, how long you’ve been learning and what it is you want to learn. Both have special guest teachers come from all over the world come and teach sometimes and both favour different styles of rope. Like with everything you will have to go and try it and see which one is for you. Each organisation has welcoming members and staff who you can contact for more information if you wish. Again this is something you can find on Fetlife.

THE RABBIT HOLE – This event is for swingers. Couples, singles or groups; all are welcome. This is a vetted event where you can meet like-minded people and engage in adult fun. For more information, you can look on Facebook, their website and Fetlife. There are more events than this you just have to look. Google and Fetlife are your friends. Different events for different people no matter what level you are at.

Just get out there, try and enjoy.

If face to face is a bit too much for you try online,

FETLIFE – Fetlife is the Facebook of the kink 


community. You can communicate with kink minded people across the globe, become frien

ds with people, read about peoples opinions and experiences, find events in your area and more. I have found this a great resource for reading about other peoples mistakes so I don’t have to make them myself.


FACEBOOK – Once you go to some munches and events and meet some people Facebook is a great place to talk to people and find out about more events.


BDSM WIKI – There is a lot of information here about a wide variety of topics. Do be aware that it is Wiki so anybody can alter it so don’t trust it alone. That being said, I have found it reliable and a great resource.

C.A.K.E – Community Awareness & Kink Education (C.A.K.E) is a private FB group that’s worth checking out! It’s basically a bunch of Kink Positive people sharing Kink Positive stuff! and is a great place to reach out for help!


Red flags should always be taken seriously, don’t dismiss them or brush them off. A leopard never changes it’s spots. If it feels a bit off, if it sounds too good to be true it probably is. Trust your gut feeling. Trust your instincts.

These are some common red flags.

• Trying to get you to move too quickly from your comfort zone.
• Inappropriate attitudes, comments or questions that make you uncomfortable.
• Repeated reported safety violations or unwillingness to follow certain safety guidelines. Do be aware that somebody might just not like somebody, heed warnings when given from numerous sources and/or reliable sources.
• A lack of communication, too much communication, inconsistent communication regularity and changing of facts.
• A persistently reported bad reputation.
• Consistently speaking ill of previous partners.
• Interests only in consent violation play.
• Demanding you refer to them by a title i.e. master or sir immanently or before a relationship has been established. Remember just because they want you to call them something doesn’t mean you need to. People need to earn that from you.


When you first enter the scene or a new relationship, you might not be sure of what you want to try, you might not know the name of certain types of play or you might just need to know more information before you say yes or no. A good way to start is to watch some other people play and see if you are interested in what you see, ask questions and see if you want to give it a try. Another good way is to have a look at a checklist and write yes, maybe and no. This is good for your own knowledge but also to show a partner so they know your interests. There are numerous checklists available online, find one that works for you.

There is also a good quiz here to see what identifiers you have for different roles. This is good to show what area you should be looking at. This may change over time, as you learn what you like and become more involved in the scene.